OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
