you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im holly from the hills drunk
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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