I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
