I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
