So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
