Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
