Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i think my cat just said my name.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize