You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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