Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
