You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
