I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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