The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize