i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Pooping to opera.
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