Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
