By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
