I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
