everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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