I want to make a zoo with you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
