Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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