Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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