she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the high leading the old right now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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