Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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