When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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