Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
