Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
