I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
