Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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