I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
