i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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