Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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