It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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