He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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