It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize