i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
