brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
