I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
