Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
