Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
