I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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