you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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