i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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