Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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