Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize