I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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