I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
