onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
