just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
