you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
