okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
