dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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