I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
