i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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