Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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