It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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