So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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