I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
