Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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