she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
