Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
