i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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