Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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