Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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