I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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