i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
