It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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