the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
